Things I hate about biking in LA
1. The air. I often get on my bike as usual, then wish for more air in my smog as I gasp along Fountain Ave. Days like yesterday only serve to remind me that the bliss of cool weather and relatively clean air is about to end and the too-hot, too-sooty summer is imminent.
2. The spiky things. This refers to spiky things on the ground and spiky things in the air. I've never seen so much broken glass on roads anywhere. This might not be as bad as Australia, where I've heard they have thorns the size of nails (not to mention crocodiles, huge spiders and drop bears). But the spiky things in the air really get me. If I even think about heading out sans glasses, I get something in my eye. And most rides, even when I'm wearing my wraparound sunglasses, I get something in my eye anyway. The glasses make me go a lot faster, though, so I don't mind wearing them.
3. The roads. It doesn't rain and then freeze here often, so whence the potholes? The enormous, wheel-eating, almost-to-China-reaching potholes? I get nervous about them when I'm in my car, even. Also: asphalt dunes. I won't ride eastbound on Santa Monica in Hollywood ever again because there are these huge waves of asphalt that crest right where you want to ride. A bike is not a surfboard.
4. The drivers. Everyone in Hollywood comes from somewhere else. Nobody talks about how crazy the drivers are everywhere in the US, it's just LA. What defect do people have that they begin maniacal driving upon moving here? I believe that people hear about the bad drivers here and think they'd better drive defensively. Somehow that winds up meaning 'offensively.'
Many people know how to pass a cyclist (move all the way into the next lane, please) and are considerate, but I've been cut off at least three times in the past couple months. Can you not wait the 3.5 seconds it will take me to zoom by you? Do you really want me bouncing off your door or sliding across your hood? I might dent your fucking Hummer.
5. The lack of dedicated parking. Almost the only place I can think of that has a bike rack is Amoeba Music. Whole Foods has a ginormous parking lot but no bike rack. (Unless it's on the other side of the lot so people don't have to walk around the bikes on the shortest possible route from their car to the door.) I haven't seen a rack at Erewhon -- a hippy market! Ralph's has one, but Trader Joe's doesn't. I guess around here people eat the food but they don't ride the bike. In Seattle, the people who are into eating organic, cruelty-free food are also into not polluting their environment. In LA, the people who are into such food are also interested in conforming to some sort of arbitrary concept of sex appeal that, rather than getting cheap, efficient exercise while running errands, involves sitting around in a 3-ton cage, then going to the gym. I guess cheap and efficient don't trump showing off to other people that you've got a lot of money. Ooh, I just summed up Hollywood!
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I guess it's good that I can only come up with 5 hate-able things. It's not that bad here, but it's fun to ridicule the lack of infrastructure and culture supporting one of my favorite activities. I'm a pioneer!
Later: things I love about biking in LA? There's not much specific here, other than it's never too cold to ride. There are some good hills to blow your heart up on, and it's great to see all the houses, gardens, and fruit trees that you miss when flying by at 35 miles an hour.
ETA: Whoops, I mis-impugned Erewhon: they do have a bike rack! And there are never any bikes parked there!
Labels: los angeles
1 Comments:
You are very, very funny.
Drop bears. Hee hee.
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