Ig·nor·phins

(ig nôr' finz) n.pl. 1. A group of chemicals secreted in the brain and nervous system that counteract sadness and annoyance in the face of something you'd rather didn't exist.

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For the past seven or eight months there has come a time every week when I start to enjoy the time I spend in the kitchen less. I love to cook, but after a couple of days the plate, fork and cup sitting in the sink start to get to me. Then they're joined by a half-empty Tupperware, a frying pan and another cup. The dishes look less lonely, but they're starting to have a smelly, ooky party. After a week or ten days (or thereabouts), we arrive at the fiesta you see above. Things start to infringe on the other, usable, side of the sink. Smells develop nuances heretofore known only to French cheesemakers. There are no clean bowls in the cupboard.

I've hinted about the dirty dishes. I've gotten so fed up that I've done sinkfuls myself. I've even told her, politely, that I feel it's inconvenient to have to wash my own paring knife before I can use it (she prefers to use her own set of knives, but when they're all dirty...) -- plus I know that she dislikes the cockroach problem in this building as much as I do, so surely she agrees that having a clean, dry sink each night is a good thing. To no avail.

I've noticed infuriating subtleties to the way she doesn't do the dishes (and to the way she does them when she finally does) that probably point to an unhealthy fixation on the issue. And it might be worse to have a roommate who has angry, shouting phone conversations all the time, or who always demands a heart-to-heart about how this guy was mean to her and is she a bad person? But I really don't want to dig around in the china slag heap so I can have soup tonight.

If you give a writer a Mad Lib

"How to Date the Coolest Guy/Girl in School"

It's simple. Turn the closures. Make him/her want lightly to date you. Make sure you're always dressed to divert. Each and every day, wear a snood that you know shows off your Adam's apple to rotund advantage and make your steeple look like a million hemlines. Even if the two of you make meaningful earlobe contact, don't admit it. No hugs or pansies. Just shake his/her femur firmly. And remember, when he/she asks you out, even though a chill may run down your mop and you can't stop your gander from traipsing, just play it furtive. Take a long pause before answering in a very aromatic voice. "I'll have to hurl it over."

Found after a game-themed book release party I organized a few years ago. The last sentences really sum up middle-school love affairs, I think.

For the Birds

Western Tanager

It all started last Tuesday morning. I was standing at the balcony door a little before 8, contemplating breakfast and other items of consequence, when I noticed a bird in the loquat tree in front of my building. It wasn't a pigeon. It wasn't one of those tiny little sparrows, nor was it a European starling -- and thank Dog for that, cuz those suckers are noisy. It was a smooth, gray-brown bird of medium size with a buff underside and a black Hamburgler mask that sweeps up into a crest behind the head. There were three of them, and the Audubon Society confirmed that they were cedar waxwings.

Cedar Waxwing

They've come browsing through most every day, though they've moved to the tree across the street so I had to break out the binoculars to watch them. This watching is kind of funny -- I see movement among the foliage, I run to the window with the binocs and I watch. I watch them hop from branch to branch, grabbing seeds and grubs. I watch them play. I'm a nosy neighbor, but only to the birds.

American Goldfinch

Now there are about a dozen waxwings that come to the tree every day, which is really cool except they bully the goldfinches and tanagers. Yep, there are bright yellow birds in my neighborhood. I never would have guessed that there are bright birds here. In American cities you see pigeons, gulls, sparrows, maybe a robin or a duck. You don't see school-bus yellow birds with black wings and a black kippah (American goldfinch) or yellow birds with black wings and a bright red hood (western tanager). But I saw them. There must be more! I'd like to see a lazuli bunting, a red crossbill, and an evening grosbeak. And those are just the perching birds. Don't get me started on water birds.

Totals for 2007
----------------
Cedar waxwing: 1 doz.
American goldfinch: 1 pr.
Western tanager: 1
House finch: 1 pr.
American kestrel: 1
Misc warbler: 1 pr.
Misc woodpecker: 1
California quail: 1 doz.

My thoughts exactly.

My two favorite things in life are libraries and bicycles. They both move
people forward without wasting anything. The perfect day: riding a bike to
the library. -Peter Golkin, museum spokesman (1966- )

Orecchietti con ceci e rapini

You know those dishes you could eat forever, regardless of whether your stomach rebels or there's even any food left? This is one of them. A provocative medley of pasta, greens, and chickpeas, nearly nude under a veil of garlic-scented olive oil.

Orecchiette con Ceci e Rapini
(aka No Parlo Italiano)

serves 4

1 lb orecchiette (or conchiglie, possibly penne)
1/4 c olive oil, exxxtra virgin
3 large cloves garlic, minced
1/4 t red pepper flakes
1 large bunch broccoli rabe, coarsely chopped,
.........................or 1 large bunch baby mustard greens,
.........................or 1 pound broccoli
1 can chickpeas, drained

Start 6 qts water boiling for the pasta. Cook the pasta al dente while preparing the greens: Heat the olive oil in a large skillet over medium heat, then add the garlic and pepper flakes. In just a moment, when the garlic is translucent, add the greens. Cover and cook until perfectly tender (yes, that's subjective), about 5 minutes.

By now the pasta should be done. Drain it and toss it with the greens. Season with salt and pepper to taste.

(I like to saute with a little less olive oil in the pan, and then add a drizzle of fruity Arbequina olive oil in the serving dish.)

Adapted from the New Joy of Cooking, the one that's perfect except they left out the cocktail recipes and canning guidelines.

Next week, when you make this again, try cannellini beans instead of chickpeas. Or, instead of beans, break one egg per person into the pasta/greens mixture and stir over low heat just until the egg curdles. Or go to Trader Joe's and buy some Tofurkey Italian Sausage (vegetarian!) and slice it and fry it in the olive oil before you add the garlic.

Oh, and you can use fresh spinach as the greens, too.

You have no excuses.

Hahahahaha...oh, wait, I'm scared.

After six years of dodging the climate issue, the Bush administration is finally having to face it head on. They aren't changing policy -- don't be silly! -- but they are changing rhetoric.

That's from an article in Grist, my favorite free online clearinghouse of environmental news (and puns!), about the Bush administration's recent open letter "clarifying" (re-creating?) its stance on global warming. I guess the publicity generated by the terrifyingly good IPCC report was just too much for the Republicans to keep their heads in the sand without looking like the nepotistic nincompoops they are. And now they're backpedaling like mad. Big business and everyone else have already started to take steps to lower their greenhouse-gas output. Quit lollygagging, White House!

Grist's analysis last week of the IPCC report gives a readable dissection of that big honkin' document. But what about more mainstream news sources? BBC.co.uk and CNN.com cover the report's congressional hearing, but CBSnews.com doesn't. The article at FOXnews.com starts with a summary of the findings,* but then keeps the tired old global warming "debate" going by mentioning a scientist's huffy departure from the Panel. The remainder of the article follows a Republican representative's (Dana Rohrabacher's) response to the report, including his dangerous statement that a graph that shows a one degree increase in average global temperature over the last 150 years "doesn't sound very alarming to me." Now, a rise of 2-3 degrees could raise ocean levels by at least several inches and cause other effects, including severe weather disturbances. Global temperatures have already risen one degree, and this guy's not alarmed? No mention is made of the scientific assessment of environmental consequences vs. degrees of warming. It's just this hick's unqualified remark. Thanks again, Fox, for your fair and balanced look at the news.

Note that the American news webistes list sponsored links above their search results, and the top sponsors are sites like BP.com and willyoujoinus.com, where you can "Join Chevron's forum and voice your opinion on environmental issues." Click here to learn more about oil companies and their obfuscation of climate science.

Sigh. This is all part of my trying to understand how science appears to have become even more hijacked by politicians in recent years. I mean, I know it's been happening since the dawn of science and politicians, but what's with abstinence-only education, creationism, and the lies about climate change all happening right now?

The IPCC is a fairly conservative body; it was convened by the UN and has to incorporate the views of scientists and governments from all over the world. And they're stating that global warming is definitely happening, the chance that it stems entirely from natural causes is less than 5%, and that no matter what we do about emissions now, we're facing centuries of warming temperatures and rising seas. (Imagine what will happen if we continue to do nothing.) Now that Bush's big-business backers are finally demanding emissions caps, maybe the "truth" will suddenly change, and in this case, I think we'll all be the better for it.

But then again, maybe stop-global-warming efforts will be irrelevant, like the International Criminal Court. Go USA!

*Check out the contrast between the top-of-story summaries of the IPCC Congressional hearing articles at CNN.com and FOXnews.com:

CNN:

• House Chairman: Officials mislead by "injecting doubt" into climate science
• Presidential contenders expound on subject at Senate hearing
• Advocacy groups' survey show many scientists subjected to political pressure
• Sens. McCain, Obama to express views on global warming at hearing

Fox:

Not enough evidence exists that humans are responsible for global warming, so current laws should not be changed to limit greenhouse gas emissions, critics of a global climate change report told a House panel Thursday.

The attitude taken by the Fox article that catastrophic climate change might not happen, so we shouldn't bother to take any steps against it, is a whole 'nother post.

Things I hate about biking in LA

1. The air. I often get on my bike as usual, then wish for more air in my smog as I gasp along Fountain Ave. Days like yesterday only serve to remind me that the bliss of cool weather and relatively clean air is about to end and the too-hot, too-sooty summer is imminent.

2. The spiky things. This refers to spiky things on the ground and spiky things in the air. I've never seen so much broken glass on roads anywhere. This might not be as bad as Australia, where I've heard they have thorns the size of nails (not to mention crocodiles, huge spiders and drop bears). But the spiky things in the air really get me. If I even think about heading out sans glasses, I get something in my eye. And most rides, even when I'm wearing my wraparound sunglasses, I get something in my eye anyway. The glasses make me go a lot faster, though, so I don't mind wearing them.

3. The roads. It doesn't rain and then freeze here often, so whence the potholes? The enormous, wheel-eating, almost-to-China-reaching potholes? I get nervous about them when I'm in my car, even. Also: asphalt dunes. I won't ride eastbound on Santa Monica in Hollywood ever again because there are these huge waves of asphalt that crest right where you want to ride. A bike is not a surfboard.

4. The drivers. Everyone in Hollywood comes from somewhere else. Nobody talks about how crazy the drivers are everywhere in the US, it's just LA. What defect do people have that they begin maniacal driving upon moving here? I believe that people hear about the bad drivers here and think they'd better drive defensively. Somehow that winds up meaning 'offensively.'

Many people know how to pass a cyclist (move all the way into the next lane, please) and are considerate, but I've been cut off at least three times in the past couple months. Can you not wait the 3.5 seconds it will take me to zoom by you? Do you really want me bouncing off your door or sliding across your hood? I might dent your fucking Hummer.

5. The lack of dedicated parking. Almost the only place I can think of that has a bike rack is Amoeba Music. Whole Foods has a ginormous parking lot but no bike rack. (Unless it's on the other side of the lot so people don't have to walk around the bikes on the shortest possible route from their car to the door.) I haven't seen a rack at Erewhon -- a hippy market! Ralph's has one, but Trader Joe's doesn't. I guess around here people eat the food but they don't ride the bike. In Seattle, the people who are into eating organic, cruelty-free food are also into not polluting their environment. In LA, the people who are into such food are also interested in conforming to some sort of arbitrary concept of sex appeal that, rather than getting cheap, efficient exercise while running errands, involves sitting around in a 3-ton cage, then going to the gym. I guess cheap and efficient don't trump showing off to other people that you've got a lot of money. Ooh, I just summed up Hollywood!

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I guess it's good that I can only come up with 5 hate-able things. It's not that bad here, but it's fun to ridicule the lack of infrastructure and culture supporting one of my favorite activities. I'm a pioneer!

Later: things I love about biking in LA? There's not much specific here, other than it's never too cold to ride. There are some good hills to blow your heart up on, and it's great to see all the houses, gardens, and fruit trees that you miss when flying by at 35 miles an hour.

ETA: Whoops, I mis-impugned Erewhon: they do have a bike rack! And there are never any bikes parked there!